Up North
I finally made it up north to see my grandmother. It was a tough visit to make but I'm so glad I did. Mom warned me before hand that she looked a lot different but I was still shocked when I walked into her room. She only weighs 100 lbs now and she looks like a skeleton. The worst part is that her speech is really bad. I wasn't expecting that. I don't know if its the Parkinson's or the mini-strokes or something else. It killed me not to be able to understand her very well. But she is the same old Grandma inside. She still made the same old jokes and asked me how my love life was.
I'm so glad I got to see her. I'm not sure how much longer she'll be around. To be honest, I don't blame her if she doesn't fight too hard anymore. She can barely eat anything. All her food is pureed or very soft. It takes her forever to swallow anything. Since swallowing takes so long, they have to thicken any liquid she drinks. If she has to hold it in her mouth too long, it could go into her lungs. She barely drinks anything b/c the thickening stuff tastes awful. She can't walk anymore. She has to rely on the nurses for everything. She's lonely b/c my mom lives over 2 hours away and my aunt lives 4 and they can't be there everyday. How is that living? As much as I don't want her to die, I really think it would be a blessing at this point. Mom and I were bad and snuck her in a piece of apple pie. We figured that since she loves apple pie, if she would choke on a piece, at least she'd go happy. She could only eat 3 bites of it but you could tell it was the best apple pie she'd ever eaten.
When it came time to leave, I gave her a hug and started to cry. I told myself I wouldn't do that b/c I didn't want to upset her but the tears came anyway. She cried too and I couldn't let her go. It was hard for her to get her arms up around me so she just rubbed my arm. I finally had to just say good-bye and run out of the room b/c I didn't want to leave her there. I wish I could bring her here to live with me. There's no way b/c she needs round the clock care and I just can't afford to quit my job and do that. She is getting really good care where she is. The nurses there all love her.
I do have to write about one nurse there who is extra special. We first ran into him while Mom and Grandma showed me around. He got down on Grandma's level and said "Hi Peanut, how are you today." Later, he was walking by her room and came in again. He called her Peanut again and asked when they were going dancing b/c it had been awhile. I didn't know this but my grandfather used to call Grandma "Peanut". They also loved to dance together. D and a girl at work think I'm crazy but I think Papa sent him to keep her company. There was just something special about him. You should see the way Grandma lit up around him. Crazy or not, I think Papa sent an angel to keep her company until they can be together again.
I'm so glad I got to see her. I'm not sure how much longer she'll be around. To be honest, I don't blame her if she doesn't fight too hard anymore. She can barely eat anything. All her food is pureed or very soft. It takes her forever to swallow anything. Since swallowing takes so long, they have to thicken any liquid she drinks. If she has to hold it in her mouth too long, it could go into her lungs. She barely drinks anything b/c the thickening stuff tastes awful. She can't walk anymore. She has to rely on the nurses for everything. She's lonely b/c my mom lives over 2 hours away and my aunt lives 4 and they can't be there everyday. How is that living? As much as I don't want her to die, I really think it would be a blessing at this point. Mom and I were bad and snuck her in a piece of apple pie. We figured that since she loves apple pie, if she would choke on a piece, at least she'd go happy. She could only eat 3 bites of it but you could tell it was the best apple pie she'd ever eaten.
When it came time to leave, I gave her a hug and started to cry. I told myself I wouldn't do that b/c I didn't want to upset her but the tears came anyway. She cried too and I couldn't let her go. It was hard for her to get her arms up around me so she just rubbed my arm. I finally had to just say good-bye and run out of the room b/c I didn't want to leave her there. I wish I could bring her here to live with me. There's no way b/c she needs round the clock care and I just can't afford to quit my job and do that. She is getting really good care where she is. The nurses there all love her.
I do have to write about one nurse there who is extra special. We first ran into him while Mom and Grandma showed me around. He got down on Grandma's level and said "Hi Peanut, how are you today." Later, he was walking by her room and came in again. He called her Peanut again and asked when they were going dancing b/c it had been awhile. I didn't know this but my grandfather used to call Grandma "Peanut". They also loved to dance together. D and a girl at work think I'm crazy but I think Papa sent him to keep her company. There was just something special about him. You should see the way Grandma lit up around him. Crazy or not, I think Papa sent an angel to keep her company until they can be together again.
posted by J. at 9:05 PM
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